I'm ageing in multiples of 5 each year physically while mentally i haven't grown a day wiser. I don't know who to blame, so as you usual all fingers point towards you Ms. self.
if growing up is all about thinking clear and being emotionally balanced I say it with humongous shame, that i haven't. In my head, I am always STRUGGLING to nail that right expression, to have clarity about things i pursue or half heartedly get interested in. To make rational decisions that wouldn't get me into the regret mode. to quit being a douchy slacker. to stop using douchy in my essays.
You get the drift right, the list is endless.
today is a classic example. I was suppose to present a script, my team and I believed in during a meeting with toughnuts of the agency. I was thrilled and ecstatic about getting to relish the 90 minute group discussion boardroom environment. Heck, after 20 minutes of meeting, I experienced a quick transformation of my hey-i-have-arrived-watch-out-for-me-world look to oh-lord-save-me- form being a joke of the meeting face.
i was rehearsing the script in my head minutes before my 30 second chance to make a statement. I was exploding with the feeling of nervousness and inferiority complex. it doesn't even matter how i deleievered the script, on hindsight you know. it's that raucous feeling of a grip on your guts at 24, after having gone through this feeling repetedly in the course of my life.
so here i am a perennial b-grade struggler talking to the blog till i can muster the courage to meet real people in the eye and say aloud what i really to wish to on occassions like this.
till then harr harr slacker, you have other losers to attend to.
No comments:
Post a Comment