Self shan't

Here I am back to how i was when I last updated this blog.
resigned, defeated and SINGLE
with a big realization that I need to write more than ever, to remind myself of things I am not meant for (insert relationship here)
breaking hearts comes naturally to me. It's consequences doesn't.

So here's a list of reasons why I must not commit the big mistake of leading someone one only to leave him troubled and helpless.
SELF SHAN'T
1. self gets attracted easily but self can't deal with the things that ensue after that.
2. self is too selfish to have the ability to give herself to someone completely. Mostly its a short term attachment which self mistakes for "the one"
3.self just ends up using people like fancy gizmos and once she's made most of it, she just abandons them
4. self should go for long distance dalliances if at all to avoid getting physically intimate with someone and then abandoning him
5. self should limit her thrills and kicks to inanimate things rahter than investing it with boys with puppy eyes and puppy intentions
6. self should be anally firm while explaining self's relationship handicappedness to the people she's even remotely interested in
7. self doesn't even like going physical all the way even if in the beginning it sounds appealing
8. self should have a better self control before leading on innocent victims she lures
9. self is too full of herself to invest in real emotions and feelings with people
10. self likes good-looking people to prolong the sparks. self's righteous mind that says "intelligence/humour is everything" can go fuck itself in the arse.
11. Self is scared of commitments because self is not a planner. Self won't plan your birthday party, or a trip with you next month forget about planning marriage and kids.

enough for now. time for self to memorise this skindeep and go resign to the awesomely unhappy world of singledom.

when rain steals your thunder

It rained today. Delhi is cold again. Only less cold than me. there's a reason for Delhi being cold unlike me. I guess I am just desperately searching for poetry in these words to compensate my inability to feel. Sad isn't it? does it even count as a feeling. In comparison to literary stalwarts who wrote about wars, droughts and poverty. Fighting the system, waging a war against norms and traditions. Driven by the need to change the system.
Me?
I am just infested with the Germanic instinct to kill everybody.

So here's what I wrote last night in another failed attempt to scavenge poetry out of the beagle bourgeois life and times of mine

The sound of the sky 
echoes the sound of my head
A thunderstruck moment of
purposelessness.
impaled by the need to break
the norms of well being
As i stand at the bend of the road
I'm daunted by the miles-
that lie ahead of me
To reach a place
where I don't wish to leave
To gather a momentum
that doesnt turn into inertia
because like a fallen raindrop
I lie homeless, in the handcuffs
of sanity.